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extra sentence needed to improve my
essay. please help me out.
here my essay:
the battle of sexes
society plays major role that
influences the views of young
adults towards their lives. one of
the key impacts in the societal
influences on the perceptions that
men and women have in determining
their roles in society. men and
women are both driven by similar
motivations, but differ in their
approaches and level of importance
to love, money and careers.
first at all, love is one of the
motivations that both males and
females desire, but have different
approach to express love. love for
my personal view is the strongest
emotion that a person can have to
express to a love one and change
the way one views the world. most
of young male adults don’t want a
serious relationship because they
are afraid to commit to one person
for a long period of time. the term
“love” for men usually means
sex in their manly minds. “men
view sex as the true expression of
love and usually think a
relationship hasn’t even started
until it includes sex” (king).
society today has change the way
males think about love. “a male
thinks about sex every seven
seconds on average” (king). one
of the weaknesses for men is that
they don’t know the differences
between sex and love. they also
can’t express love as women do.
on the other hand, love is a big
deal for women. most of the women
want a serious relationship. women
are very emotional and sentimental
person. they want the emotional and
physical connection among the
opposite sex. when women think
about love, they mostly think about
the chemistry between two people
who can care deeply and impact
one’s life. most of the young
adults today are usually looking
for a future husband beside of
focusing of their careers.
secondly, money is another similar
motivation that men and women have
alike, but have a different ways to
spend their income. both young men
and women adults spend some of the
money in necessary items such as
car payment, food, utilities, and
etc. men usually spend their money
in car accessories and electronics.
males love electronics; they
usually continue to buy the new
brand of video game machine such as
xbox, playstation, and etc.
especially, young male adults spend
most of the earnings on their
social expense such as alcohol,
clubs, and sporting goods. on the
other hand, women spend their money
on items that they don’t really
need such as makeup. makeup needs
to be replaced every six months
therefore women spend so much money
to maintain a good appearance.
women own so much jewelry that they
spend money without even thinking
about the conception. also, women
have the habit to buy clothing,
handbags, and shoes that they only
wear once and then collect dust in
their closet
finally, career is the last
motivation that both men and women
have alike, but take different
directions careers. mostly men and
women want to pursuit successful
careers that allow them to explore
their different goals of lifes. men
usually take the easy way to obtain
a career by attend vocational
technical schools. most of them
obtain work as a welder, pharmacy
technician, computer technician and
etc. men usually have construction
and machines repair jobs. women
today are attending more to four
years college than men and becoming
teachers and registered nurse.
“in 2004, women workers accounted
for 93.5% of employment of all word
processors and typists”
(www.ocouha.com). most of the
females today are working in the
office as bookkeeper, payroll
clerk, and secretaries. as same as
men, women are attend vocational
schools to become child care
worker, teacher assistants, and
dental assistants.
in conlusion, both women and men
may have similarities and
differences that influences by
society. the path by which males
and females obtain the life goals
of love, careers and money are
directly related to societal
changes.
"Money on necessary items such as
car payment..."
The Battle of Sexes
Society plays ( a) major role that influences the views of young adults towards their lives. One of the key impacts in the societal influences (is ) on the perceptions that men and women have in determining their roles in society. Men and women are both driven by similar motivations, but differ in their approaches and level of importance to love, money and careers.
First at all, love is one of the motivations that both males and females desire, but have different approach (es ) to express love. Love, FROM my personal view is the strongest emotion that a person can have to express to a love (d) one and change the way one views the world. Most of young male adults don’t want a serious relationship because they are afraid to commit to one person for a long period of time. The term “love” for men usually means sex in their manly minds. “Men view sex as the true expression of love and usually think a relationship hasn’t even started until it includes sex” (King). Society today has change( ed ) the way males think about love. “A male thinks about sex every seven seconds on average” (King). One of the weaknesses for men is that they don’t know the differences between sex and love. They also can’t express love as women do. On the other hand, love is a big deal for women. Most of the women want a serious relationship. Women are very emotional and sentimental . They want the emotional and physical connection among the opposite sex. When women think about love, they mostly think about the chemistry between two people who care deeply and (the )impact( on ) one’s life. Most of the young adults today are usually looking for a future husband beside focusing on their careers.
Secondly, money is another similar motivation that men and women have alike, but have different ways ( of ) spend ( ing ) their income. Both young men and women adults spend some of the money on necessary items such as car payment , food, utilities, etc. Men usually spend their money on car accessories and electronics. Males love electronics; they usually continue to buy the new brand of video game machine(s) such as Xbox, PlayStation, etc. Especially, young male adults spend most of the earnings on their social expense such as alcohol, clubs, and sporting goods. On the other hand, women spend their money on items that they don’t really need such as makeup. Makeup needs to be replaced every six months therefore women spend so much money to maintain a good appearance. Women own so much jewelry that they spend money without even thinking about the ( consequenses ) Also, women have the habit ( of ) buy(ing)clothing, handbags, and shoes that they only wear once and ( which )then collect dust in their closet
Finally, career is the last motivation that both men and women have alike, but take different directions . Mostly men and women want to pursu(e)successful careers that allow them to explore their different goals of life. Men usually take the easy way to obtain a career by attend(ing) vocational technical schools. Most of them obtain work as a welder, pharmacy technician, computer technician, etc. Men usually have construction and machine repair jobs. Women, today are (doing) more, four years college and becoming teachers and registered nurse. “In 2004, women workers accounted for 93.5% of employment of all word processors and typists” (www.ocouha.com). Most of the females today are working in the office as bookkeepers, payroll clerks, and secretaries. As same as men, women attend vocational schools to become child care workers, teacher assistants, and dental assistants.
In conlusion, both women and men may have similarities and differences that (are) influence(d) by society. The path by which males and females obtain the life goals of love, career and money are directly related to changes in society. |