| The basics
where does fart gas come from?
the gas in our intestines comes
from several sources: air we
swallow, gas seeping into our
intestines from our blood, gas
produced by chemical reactions in
our guts, and gas produced by
bacteria living in our guts.
what is fart gas made of?
the composition of fart gas is
highly variable.
most of the air we swallow,
especially the oxygen component, is
absorbed by the body before the gas
gets into the intestines. by the
time the air reaches the large
intestine, most of what is left is
nitrogen. chemical reactions
between stomach acid and intestinal
fluids may produce carbon dioxide,
which is also a component of air
and a product of bacterial action.
bacteria also produce hydrogen and
methane.
but the relative proportions of
these gases that emerge from our
anal opening depend on several
factors: what we ate, how much air
we swallowed, what kinds of
bacteria we have in our intestines,
and how long we hold in the fart.
the longer a fart is held in, the
larger the proportion of boring,
inert nitrogen it contains, because
the other gases tend to be absorbed
into the bloodstream through the
walls of the intestine.
a nervous person who swallows a lot
of air and who moves stuff through
his digestive system rapidly may
have a lot of oxygen in his farts,
because his body didn't have
time to absorb the oxygen.
encyclopaedia britannica offers the
intriguing statement that some
people's farts contain no
methane. the reason for this is
apparently unknown. some
researchers suspect a genetic
influence, whereas others think the
anomaly is due to environmental
factors. however, all methane in
any farts comes from bacterial
action and not from human cells.
what makes farts stink?
the odor of farts comes from small
amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and
mercaptans in the mixture. these
compounds contain sulfur. the more
sulfur-rich your diet, the more
sulfides and mercaptans will be
produced by the bacteria in your
guts, and the more your farts will
stink. foods such as cauliflower,
eggs and meat are notorious for
producing smelly farts, whereas
beans produce large amounts of not
particularly stinky farts.
why do farts make noise?
the sounds are produced by
vibrations of the anal opening.
sounds depend on the velocity of
expulsion of the gas and the
tightness of the sphincter muscles
of the anus.
how much gas does a normal person
pass per day?
on average, a person produces about
half a liter of fart gas per day,
distributed over an average of
about fourteen daily farts.
whereas it may be difficult for you
to determine your daily flatus
volume, you can certainly keep
track of your daily numerical fart
count. you might try this as a
science fair project: keep a
journal of everything you eat and a
count of your farts. you might make
a note of the potency of their odor
as well. see if you can discover a
relationship between what you eat,
how much you fart, and how much
they smell.
how does a fart travel to the
anus?
one may wonder why fart gas travels
downward toward the anus when gas
has a lower density than liquids
and solids, and should therefore
travel upwards.
the intestine squeezes its contents
toward the anus in a series of
contractions, a process called
peristalsis. the process is
stimulated by eating, which is why
we often need to poop and fart
right after a meal. peristalsis
creates a zone of high pressure,
forcing all intestinal contents,
gas included, to move towards a
region of lower pressure, which is
toward the anus. gas is more mobile
than other components, and small
bubbles coalesce to from larger
bubbles en route to the exit. when
peristalsis is not active, gas
bubbles may begin to percolate
upwards again, but they won't
get very far due to the complicated
and convoluted shape of the
intestine. furthermore, the anus is
neither up nor down when a person
is lying down.
how long does it take fart gas to
travel to someone else's
nose?
fart travel time depends on
atmospheric conditions such as
humidity, temperature and wind
speed and direction, the molecular
weight of the fart particles, and
the distance between the fart
transmitter and the fart receiver.
farts also disperse (spread out) as
they leave the source, and their
potency diminishes with dilution.
generally, if the fart is not
detected within a few seconds, it
will be too dilute for perception
and will be lost into the
atmosphere forever.
exceptional conditions exist when
the fart is released into a small
enclosed area such as an elevator,
a small room, or a car. these
conditions limit the amount of
dilution possible, and the fart may
remain in a smellable concentration
for a long period of time, until it
condenses on the walls.
why is there a 13 to 20 second
delay between farting and the time
it starts to smell?
actually, the fart stinks
immediately upon emergence, but it
takes several seconds for the odor
to travel to the farter's
nostrils. if farts could travel at
the speed of sound, we would smell
them almost instantly, at the same
time we hear them.
is it true that some people never
fart?
no, not if they're alive.
people even fart shortly after
death.
do even movie stars fart?
yes, of course. so do grandmothers,
priests, kings, presidents, opera
singers, beauty queens, and nuns.
even yoda farts.
do men fart more than women?
no, women fart just as much as men.
it's just that most men take
more pride in it than most women.
there is a large variation among
individuals in the amount of fart
gas produced per day, but the
variation does not correlate with
gender.
i have read that men fart more
often than women. if this is true,
then women must be saving it up and
expelling more gas per fart than
men do.
do men's farts smell worse
than women's farts?
based on what i have experienced of
women's farts, all i can say
is that i hope not.
at what time of day is a gentleman
most likely to fart?
a gentleman is mostly likely to
fart first thing in the morning,
while in the bathroom. this is
known as "morning
thunder," and if the gentleman
gets good resonance, it can be
heard throughout the household.
why are beans so notorious for
making people fart?
beans contain sugars that we humans
cannot digest. when these sugars
reach our intestines, the bacteria
go wild, have a big feast, and make
lots of gas!
other notorious fart-producing
foods include corn, bell peppers,
cabbage, milk, and raisins.
a friend of mine had a dog who was
exceptionally fond of apples and
turnips. the dog would eat these
things and then get prodigious gas.
a dog's digestive system is
not equipped to handle such
vegetable matter, so the dog's
bacteria worked overtime to produce
remarkable flatulence.
what things other than diet can
make a person fart more than
usual?
people who swallow a lot of air
fart more than people who
don't. this can be cured
somewhat by chewing with your mouth
closed. nervous people with fast
moving bowels will fart more
because less air is absorbed out of
the intestines. some disease
conditions can cause excess
flatulence. and going up in an
airplane or other low-pressure
environment can cause the gas
inside you to expand and emerge as
flatulence.
is a fart really just a burp that
comes out the wrong end?
no, a burp emerges from the stomach
and has a different chemical
composition from a fart. farts have
less atmospheric gas content and
more bacterial gas content than
burps.
is it harmful to hold in farts?
there are differences in opinion on
this one. certainly, people have
believed for centuries that
retaining flatulence is bad for the
health. emperor claudius even
passed a law legalizing farting at
banquets out of concern for
people's health. there was a
widespread belief that a person
could be poisoned or catch a
disease by retaining farts.
doctors i have spoken to recently
have told me that there is no
particular harm in holding in
farts. farts will not poison you;
they are a natural component of
your intestinal contents. the worst
thing that can happen is that you
may get a stomach ache from the gas
pressure. but one doctor suggested
that pathological distention of the
bowel could result if a person
holds in farts too much.
how long would it be possible to
not fart?
as i understand it, a captive fart
can escape as soon as the person
relaxes. this means that a lot of
people who assiduously refrain from
farting during the day do so at
great length as soon as they fall
asleep. having been on a great many
overnight field trips, long bus
trips, and trans-pacific flights, i
can personally vouch for the fact
that lots of people do fart
voluminously as they doze off. so
the answer to the question would
be, you can refrain from farting as
long as you can stay awake!
do all people fart in their sleep?
i have not made a scientific study
of this, but i don't think all
people fart in their sleep. i think
mainly those who refuse to fart
when they're awake do so when
dozing off. for other people,
toilet training takes such a strong
hold that they let nothing pass
their sphincters in sleep. for
these people, the gas accumlates in
the night and they vent it upon
awakening.
where do farts go when you hold
them in?
how often have you held in a fart,
intending to release it at the
first appropriate opportunity, only
to find that the fart has
disappeared when you are ready for
it? i asked several doctors where
the fart goes. does it leak out
slowly without the person knowing
it? is it absorbed into the
bloodstream? what happens to it?
the doctors agree that the fart is
neither released nor absorbed. it
simply migrates back upward into
the intestine and comes out later.
it is reassuring to know that such
farts aren't really lost, just
delayed.
how can one cover up a fart?
there is a company called
fartypants that sells underwear
designed to absorb the odor of
farts. if you should be caught
without your fartypants, another
ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if
one should be present, or complain
about how the wind must be blowing
from the direction of the paper
mill.
as for the sound... if you are in a
large group of people, act
oblivious and innocent, or glance
quickly at the person next to you,
as if you think he/she did it.
other strategies include coughing
or suddenly moving your chair so
that people think that they
misheard the fart. if you are with
one other person, you can act as if
nothing happened, and the other
person may believe he was mistaken
in thinking he heard a fart.
cjt addresses the problem of
farting loudly in a public restroom
as follows: "my solution: use
a handful of loose toilet paper,
cover your butt hole and it will
muffle the farting; my friends and
i call it the 'buff
muff'!"
depending upon the company, another
strategy is not to cover it up, but
to proudly proclaim the fart as
your own grand accomplishment and
to issue a challenge to the others
to outdo that one if they think
they can.
is it really possible to ignite
farts?
the answer to that is yes! however,
you should be aware that people get
injured igniting flatulence. not
only can the flame back up into
your colon, but your clothing or
other surroundings may catch on
fire. a survey done by fartcloud
(the site, alas! is not more)
indicates that about a quarter of
the people who ignited their farts
got burned doing it. ignition of
flatulence is a hazardous practice.
however, if you want to try it, and
you don't have a friend to
light your fart for you, you might
find it easier to accomplish the
job using the fartlighter.
there have also been cases in which
intestinal gases with a higher than
normal oxygen content have exploded
during surgery when electric
cautery was used by the surgeon.
why is it possible to burn farts?
farts burn because they contain
methane (usually) and hydrogen,
both of which are flammable gases.
(hydrogen was the same gas that was
used in the ill fated hindenburg
dirigible.)
farts tend to burn with a blue or
yellow flame.
is it possible to light a match
with a fart?
no, even strike-anywhere matches
have their limits, unless the fart
has the consistency of sandpaper!
any fart that rough i would
hesitate to call a fart. also,
farts have the same temperature as
the body from which they emerge,
and aren't hot enough to
initiate combustion.
are there any books about farting?
there are several! my favorite is
the new book, who cut the cheese: a
cultural history of the fart by jim
dawson. this book provides an
entertaining and thought-provoking
history of the fart in literature,
language and society. it is very
informative and very funny!
ben franklin's classic fart
proudly is still in print.
there is a collection of suggestive
photographs called who farted now
by st. martin's press. most of
the photos come from old movies and
political shots.
for children, we have the famous
the gas we pass : the story of
farts by shinta cho, and amanda
mayer stinchecum (translator), and
the canadian picture book, good
families don't, by alan daniel
and robert n. munsch, about a
highly visible fart infesting a
proper middle class family.
is it possible for a talented
person to earn a living through
flatulence?
few people earn their living
directly via flatulence. but a
friend of mine says that he saw a
carnival act in which the performer
whistled tunes with his farts, blew
out candles on the opposite side of
the stage, and sent flames all the
way across the stage. a famous
performer who earned his living
this way was le petomane, who
performed in france at the
beginning of the 20th century.
however, my friend isn't old
enough to have seen le petomane, so
maybe he had a chance to see mr.
methane. mr. methane lays claim to
the distinction of being the
world's only performing
flatulist. his cd can be purchased
at the fartmart.
however, people may also earn a
living through the prevention of
flatulence (as do the manufacturers
and sellers of beano and other
products), through the practice of
medicine specializing in the
treatment of flatulence and other
gastrointestinal problems, by
writing books about flatulence (see
the question before this one), and
through the production and sales of
various fart gags such as whoopee
cushions and farts in a can.
fartypants sells a fart filter and
a number of other fart-related
products.
ultratech products, inc., sells the
flatulence filter, "an
activated carbon air filter
disguised as a seat cushion."
(this link was discovered by steve
of boulder, co.)
maybe, if you're lucky,
you'll be able to find a copy
of le petomane's biography by
searching at alibris.com. last time
i checked, they had two copies
available!
what other fart products are
available?
you can visit the fartmart to
obtain an astounding number of
wonderful fart products, including
the famous crepitation contest cd,
and several other recordings,
pull-my-finger fred (a doll that
responds with farts and
wisecracks), whoopie cushions and a
variety of other fart-noise
generating products (some of which
are quite high tech), some products
which produce a fart-like odor,
prosthetic poop, fart sludge, and
the famous fart machine.
why do dog and cat farts smell so
bad?
a carnivore's protein-rich
diet produces relatively small
amounts of intensely stinky gas
because proteins contain lots of
sulfur. a dog's or cat's
farts are rarely audible, but the
odor is overwhelming. i have asked
biologists why dogs and cats
generally fart silently, and their
theories include: (1) the amount of
gas produced is small, but potent,
(2) the horizontal orientation of
their gastrointestinal system puts
less pressure on the anal opening,
so the gas is expelled more slowly,
(3) their anal sphincters
don't close as tightly as
humans' because it takes less
force to hold in the contents of
the colon -- again because of the
horizontal orientation of the
gastrointestinal system -- and a
loose anus makes less sound, and,
my favorite (4) dogs and cats
don't feel embarrassed about
farting, so their sphincters are
more relaxed, leading to less noisy
flatulence.
mike f. points out that many dog
foods are soy-based, so on top of
all the above factors, add beans
and stand back!
large herbivorous animals such as
cows, horses and elephants, on the
other hand, produce vast quantities
of relatively non-stinky fart gas.
the farts of these animals are
noisy and can go on for
astoundingly long periods of time.
cows in particular are productive,
in part because they swallow huge
amounts of air. they need oxygen in
their guts for the various protozoa
employed there as digestive aids.
is it normal for dogs to like the
smell of human farts?
yes, any odor that we find
disgusting smells delicious to a
dog. dogs respond to the smell of
farts, rotting fish, and carrion
the same way we respond to the
smell of bacon frying or cookies
baking. a dog will often sniff the
butt of the farter in order to
inhale as much of the odor as
possible.
i have heard only one story about a
dog being disconcerted by a fart.
according to a friend, her brother
once delivered a fart so evil that
it made the dog sneeze, shake his
head, and paw at his nose. that was
either an unusual fart or an
unusual dog.
do fish fart?
according to our ichthyologist at
the university of guam, fish
flatulence per se has not been
studied, although people have
investigated fish digestion. they
find that although most fish have
alkaline intestinal environments
like our own, coral-eating fish
have acidic intestinal contents.
the acid serves to dissolve coral
skeletal material. coral has the
same composition as tums (calcium
carbonate). one product of the
reaction between acid and calcium
carbonate is carbon dioxide gas.
therefore, it is logical to assume
that coral-eating fish fart a lot.
the other fish probably fart also,
for the same reasons that we do.
however, mike pulte, a great fish
enthusiast, said that he has never
seen a fish do it.
i asked our ichthyologist if it
were possible that fish gas would
go into the swim bladder instead of
out the anal opening. he said that
modern fish have an air bladder
that is independent of the
gastrointestinal tract. the gas
comes from enzymatic activity and
not from the intestine. older
models of fish have their swim
bladder connected to the
gastrointestinal tract, but it is
attached high up, closer to the
mouth than to the other end, and
these fish come to the surface and
gulp air to fill the bladder.
therefore, we can assume that
intestinal gas leaves the fish
through the anal opening.
we also pondered the possibility of
fish making noise via flatulence,
but apparently most fish noises are
made through belching rather than
farting.
lisa p., an aquarium enthusiast,
reports that she has seen her fish
fart: "i have four aquariums
and many fish, and i have
personally witnessed fish farting!
my goldfish used to do it all the
time! you'd see a little
bubble come out of his anus and
stay there, trapped in the mucus of
a long string of poop. (ugh!) and
my opaline gourami does it too.
neither of these are coral-eating
fish. i have only owned two
coral-eating fish so far, but i
have never seen either of them
fart. it seems most likely to me
that much of this gas comes from
air swallowed during eating. also,
goldfish have a very simple
digestive system and their food is
absorbed inefficiently, so possibly
the bacteria have more to feed
on"
do turtles fart?
yes, turtles do fart, and their
farts smell incredibly bad, as do
the farts of snakes. in fact, it is
my opinion, based on personal
experience with reptiles and not on
any formal research, that many
reptiles use farts as a weapon.
reptile farts smell so bad that
sometimes you can tell that one is
nearby in the woods, even on a
windy day, before you can see the
animal. one day i was hiking
through the woods in arkansas with
a friend and i told my friend,
"i smell a snake fart." a
second later, the snake crawled
across the path. astounding but
true!
in an article published in the
december 2000 issue of discover,
"the world's leading
expert on snake sounds," bruce
young of lafayette college in
easton, pennsylvania, affirmed that
snakes do fart. the sonoran coral
snake and the western hook-nosed
snake fart with an audible popping
sound when disturbed.
why do horse farts smell worse than
people's farts?
i'm not sure that horse farts
smell worse than our farts, but
they do smell different. horses
have a different diet from us and
different gut microbes, so their
farts have a different composition.
they also fart more voluminously
than humans, and the volume of the
gas can be overwhelming if one is
unfortunate enough to be near a
farting horse indoors.
what kind of animal has the highest
worldwide output of flatulence?
believe it or not, the animal that
wins this honor is the humble
termite. because of their diet and
digestive processes (with more than
the usual microbial assistance),
they produce as much methane as
human industry. termite farts are
believed to be a major contributor
towards global warming.
is it true that cow farts
contribute to global warming?
recent research has shown that most
methane produced by cows and sheep
emerges from the mouth rather than
the anus. so one could more
accurately say that cow and sheep
belches are contributing to global
warming. new zealand researchers
are investigating methods of
breeding methane-free sheep.
is there any kind of animal that
doesn't fart?
if we define a fart to be an anal
escape of intestinal gas, then it
follows that animals that lack
intestines or an anus cannot fart.
most animals possess intestines and
an anus, but there are some that
don't. these include:
sponges: these organisms lack true
tissues and organs. they have just
a few types of cells organized into
a bag with holes in it. water flows
into some holes and out other
holes. sponges are so different
from other animals that some
biologists think we shouldn't
even call them animals.
cnidaria: this phylum includes the
jellyfish, corals, sea anemones and
hydra. their tissues are organized
into a bag with a mouth surrounded
by stinging tentacles. food enters
the mouth and is digested inside
the bag, after which the leftovers
are expelled via the same opening.
in effect, the same hole serves as
both a mouth and an anus. any gas
expelled by a cnidarian would be
more appropriately termed a belch
rather than a fart, since the
animal lacks intestines and
separate anus.
pogonophoran worms: these
remarkable animals, who dwell on
the sea floor near active volcanic
regions associated with mid-ocean
ridges, possess no mouth, no
stomach, no intestines, and no
anus. apparently they retain their
svelte, worm-shaped figures by
giving up on eating completely!
they survive by means of a
mutualistic relationship with
chemosynthetic bacteria that live
in their flesh. anyway, these
animals cannot possibly fart.
a second category of animals that
probably don't fart are
animals that live very deep
underwater. at high pressures, gas
remains in solution rather than
forming bubbles. so there is a good
chance that all those clams,
echinoderms, fish and other animals
living near the seafloor don't
fart because their farts stay in
solution and never emerge as
bubbles, even though the animals
possess perfectly good intestines
and anuses.
is it possible to leave a brown
spot on your pants because of a
fart, and if so, what causes it?
judging from what i see when i do
the laundry, i'd say that the
answer to the first question is
definitely yes.
as for the causes, we must remember
that what we call "fart"
and what we call "poop"
are just end-members of a
continuum. that is, we can have a
pure fart, or a pure poop, or
anything in-between, depending upon
the admixture of the two.
if a sample consists mostly of poop
with only a small fart component,
you get such things as
jet-propelled bowel movements and
spongy, floating fecal masses (you
know, the ones that refuse to be
flushed down the toilet -- they
keep popping back up).
if the sample consists mostly of
fart with only a small poop
component, you get what is known as
"skid marks" or
"fart art." these can
also result from inadequate wiping,
but the shape of the stain is
different in the two cases.
inadequate wiping leads to elongate
marks parallel to one's crack,
usually with well-defined edges,
whereas fart art is generally more
circular and has an air-brushed
look.
fart art is most likely to occur if
(1) a person is suffering from
diarrhea, (2) the person is trying
too hard to fart, and (3) the
person mistakenly perceives the
pressure against his sphincter to
be gas pressure rather than liquid
pressure. again, that last
situation is most likely to occur
if the person is afflicted with
diarrhea.
how can we tell when it's only
gas needing to come out, rather
than something more serious?
our ability to distinguish between
the need to fart and the need to
poop is something that we learn
gradually in the process of toilet
training and early childhood. with
the tactile nerve endings in the
rectal area, we can actually feel
different sensations depending upon
what is waiting by the exit. of
course, sometimes we are fooled,
especially if the substance at hand
is extremely fluid in nature, and
that is when we have the
unfortunate accident of venting a
squirt of diarrhea rather than an
innocent fart.
what is the best position for
farting?
that depends on what you are trying
to achieve.
years and years ago, i read a novel
(can't remember which) that
had a character in it who was
plagued with intestinal gas pain.
the character would coax farts out
by getting down on all fours with
her butt in the air, pressing her
thighs against her belly. so
perhaps this is the best position
for farting if you are having
difficulty getting them to come
out.
back when i was in geology field
camp, we would sit around the
campfire in the evening and ignite
our flatulence. it was a ritual.
when a fart was ready to emerge,
the farter would announce, "i
have one." and everyone else
would intone, "assume the
proper position." the farter
would lie back on his or her
shoulders with back propped up,
head between the knees, and
posterior in the air. the purpose
was to give the person with the
match easy access to the critical
vent.
expert farters of my acquaintance
often shift their weight onto one
leg and lift the other slightly
when farting. i assume that this
position is adopted less to aid in
the farting process than to signal
that a fart is imminent.
why do chicks always deny farting?
i suppose i should start by saying
that only some chicks deny farting.
the rest of us acknowledge our
gaseous accomplishments with
pride.
however, a great many sisters do
deny farting. the reason is that
they have been misled into thinking
that farts are not ladylike. it is
a great mistake to say that farting
is not ladylike. the reason is that
all people fart, including ladies.
anything that ladies do is by
definition ladylike, and that
includes the emission of anal
gases.
is it possible that, by inhaling
other people's farts all day
long, my own farts will smell
more?
no, inhaled farts would go into the
lungs rather than into the
digestive system, and would simply
be exhaled again, although it might
be possible that some of the fart
components might be absorbed into
the blood. if you wanted to benefit
from other people's farts in
the way you describe, you would
have to swallow them somehow.
is it possible to get stoned after
inhaling two or three farts in a
row?
i am not aware of any intoxicating
agents in flatulence. however, most
farts contain very little oxygen,
and you may experience dizziness if
you are inhaling overly
concentrated fart essence, simply
from lack of oxygen. on the other
hand, if you are inhaling farts in
the open air and are breathing
rapidly in order to inhale as much
fart as possible, you may be
hyperventilating, which also
induces dizziness.
then there is the intrinsic
hilarity factor: farts are so funny
in both sound and odor that you
might feel high just from the basic
entertainment value of farts.
is it possible for a fart to kill
you?
a great many of you have asked if
farts can be fatal, or if you can
die from smelling a particularly
bad fart. my initial response to
this question was "no,"
but i thought i'd better ask a
doctor. so now it is official, the
medical opinion i received is no, a
fart can't kill you.
however, if you really work hard at
it, you can manage to kill yourself
with just about anything. i
recently read of a man who hooked
up his nose to his anus with a
system involving a gas mask, rubber
tubing and a hollow wooden post. he
died of suffocation. this story
comes from the darwin awards, and i
personally cannot attest to the
overall veracity of their stories.
the story of the bed-bound obese
man who died from inhaling his own
flatulence (and whose farts almost
killed the paramedics) is an urban
legend that has been in circulation
for some time.
but according to buzzbomb43, whom i
quote: "in world war two, the
air force estimates that around
1000 to 2000 airmen were killed
because of flatulence. the reason
is b-17 bombers were not
pressurized, so when bomber crews
operated around 20,000 feet, the
gas would expand and rupture their
intestines." now, that is a
nasty way to go! there are also, of
course, (in)famous stories about
excessive farters that bio-hazard
small toilet rooms, and when they
try to light a cigarette the flame
ignites the gas-rich-environment
causing an explosion. my personal
view about such stories is one of
doubt.
when you smoke and you fart does it
make it smell any worse?
(brittney)
only if you swallow the cigarettes
after smoking brittney.
if you settle for traditional
smoking (inhaling) - the smoke will
travel to your respiratory system
and not to your digestive system
and hence will have little-to-no
effect on the odour of your farts.
of course, a minute mass of smoked
nicotine can (and does) migrate
from the respiratory system into
blood vessels and downstream to the
digestive system (nicotine is
actually a known laxative), but the
proportions are too small to
contribute dearly to the odours you
contribute.
however, if you do swallow your
cigarettes after smoking - its a
different ball game. cigarettes are
produced with measures of ammonia
which certainly intensify gaseous
odours. my advise for you therefore
is not to swallow.
i am guessing the reason why
certain people think cigarettes
might intensify the bad smell of a
fart has to do with the fact both
farts and cigarettes produce bad
odours. i don't think however
that this is a case of competing
bad odours that in blend will
create a third - even worst odour.
last, while i do not advise you to
ever quit farting - i do strongly
advise to quit smoking.
can excessive farting cause
impotence?
that depends on the tolerance level
of the person with whom one is
trying to be potent!
fortunately for humans, farting
doesn't cause tissue damage.
other animals aren't so lucky.
soldier termites can actually turn
themselves into bombs by detonating
themselves via the explosive
release of gas and feces, a process
called "autothysis."
is it possible to inhale (suck in
air) via one's anal opening?
yes, but it's a rare talent.
the great early 20th century french
flatulist, le petomane, was able to
do this, and in fact was able to
suck up an entire bowlful of water
(just the water, not the bowl) into
his colon and expel it again with
considerable force. by sucking in
large quantities of air, he was
able to perform lengthy shows on
stage, and could imitate musical
instruments, farm animals, and bird
songs, whistle melodies, and play
the ocarina. his productions were
said to be virtually odorless,
which is to be expected from air
obtained directly from the
outside.
here is a message i received
recently (november, 1999) regarding
the skill of inhaling via the anus:
"i would just like you to know
that i am part of a trio, who can
suck in air in our anal openings.
we are somewhat air-bandits. we can
let the longest farts you have ever
heard. our record holder, chad,
stands at 24 sec. the record for
most farts in a row is derek, at
492. and i, robert, have earned
such nicknames as: mad crapper,
gurglemeister, and old wetful. we
have followed le petomane example,
and have mastered the art of
farting."
jason w. says, "i am a 16 year
old guy that is a part of a 3-man
fart on command group. we get
together every saturday night
andpractice our talent to songs
with a good beat. we accomplish
this by getting on our hands and
knees, completely relaxing, and our
butt hole just opens up and air
just seeps into our colons. we then
get into position and let them rip.
we can so far play a song called
"the eye of the tiger"
(rocky 3 theme song). we came
across another group of 4 guys that
can do this during the winter of
2001. we started to get together
with them more frequently, and now
we have a full fledged band going
all on farting...we are going to
try to make a cd on some songs we
know, but no one wants to let
us...i personally have let a fart
go for about 75 seconds. on average
each saturday night we let off
about 1000 farts each! the only
problem with flatulating when we
want is that now 2 of us can't
help but sucking in air through our
anus when we sit down." jason
has also provided the following
instructions for people who would
like to acquire this skill:
1) get a pillow and a soft
surface.
2) place your ear on the pillow
with your head turned sideways.
3) put your butt up in the air,
bringing your knees as close up to
your head as possible. this relaxes
your anal opening.
4) once you're relaxed enough,
you should feel a strange
sensation...this is air traveling
into your colon.
5) through practice you will be
able to do this by just sitting
down.
adam reports that a student at his
high school, known as "the
king" could fart "god
save the queen" by alternately
inhaling and exhaling through his
anus. the students refered to the
inhaling process as
"input."
is it possible to swallow smoke and
then fart it out your anus?
no, smoke consists of solid
particles suspended in air. when
such a mixture enters the digestive
system, the solids condense on the
walls and other objects in the gut,
or go into suspension in liquids in
the system. however, for people
capable of inhaling through the
anus, it is possible to smoke a
cigarette with the anal opening and
then blow the smoke back out.
what causes the burning sensation
that sometimes accompanies a fart?
this is generally caused by a
recent meal of hot peppers or
related spices. the oils associated
with these foods remain intact and
active all the way through
one's gastrointestinal
system.
if you fart in the bathtub, is the
water polluted and should you
refill the tub?
as long as what comes out is only
fart and no poop, your bath water
should not be significantly
polluted. most of the gas just
bubbles up and contaminates the air
rather than the water.
is it true that a woman can fart
out of her, shall we say, frontal
opening, and if so, where does the
gas come from?
yes, it is true! the gas that
emerges is simply trapped air, for
there is no gas production in the
genitalia of a woman. the air can
enter because the system is open to
the outside. this highly
specialized kind of fart is
sometimes called a queef. this
occurs especially frequently during
the sex act, when air in the
genitalia gets compressed and is
forced out at high pressure.
can a man fart out of his genital
opening?
i have asked various men this
question and they all deny it
emphatically. however, elrondh
contributed the information that
under certain rare and
artificially-induced circumstances,
a man might pass gas through his
penis. in this case, the man's
bladder had been inflated for a
medical procedure, the air
introduced via catheter inserted
through the urethra. this gas
escaped during later attempts to
urinate, "accompanied by a
brief but sharp burning
sensation."
is it possible to capture a fart in
a jar and save it for later use?
it should be theoretically possible
to do this, but there would be lots
of logistical problems. i would
suggest using a plastic bag instead
of a jar. you might try the
following as a science fair
experiment:
fart into several plastic bags and
seal them carefully. then fill
several other plastic bags with
ordinary air. wait 24 hours. then
get volunteers to smell the
contents of the bags to see if they
can correctly identify which ones
contain the farts. this should tell
you if it is possible to store a
fart in any useful way.
malachi and megaera have come up
with a way to capture a fart in a
jar. they say to do it in the
bathtub while bathing. fill the jar
with bath water and then hold it
with the open end downward. lean
back in the bathtub so that your
fart bubbles will emerge in front
of you rather than behind you where
you can't see them. catch the
bubbles in the jar, and put the lid
on the jar while it's still
underwater. this way, you capture a
fairly pure fart uncontaminated by
atmospheric air. to enjoy your
captured fart to the fullest
extent, make sure that your jar
does not already smell like
whatever was it it before, like
pickles or peanut butter.
meep wrote to say that her fiancé
was an expert fart collector at the
age of ten. he used kodak film
canisters, and kept them on a shelf
in his room. experiments on his
mother proved the efficacy of his
method.
is it weird to enjoy farting?
it is not unusual to enjoy farting.
i believe that enjoyment of farting
is a healthy attitude, since
everyone has to fart. if a person
is farting to the extent that it
creates problems and unhappiness,
then a visit to a doctor is in
order.
is it common for people to enjoy
smelling their own farts?
i believe that it is not only
common, it is universal. a person
farts and then thinks, at least
subconsciously, "wow, i made
that!"
can farting be considered sexy?
everything imaginable, and many
things not imaginable, can be
considered sexy by humans. however,
the female southern pine beetle
exudes a pheromone called frontalin
in her flatulence that not only
serves to attract males but acts as
a general gathering call to both
males and females of her species.
her farts are an invitation to an
orgy. unfortunately for her, her
frontalin-laden farts also attract
predators.
what color is a fart?
farts are, alas, colorless. all of
the gases that make up farts have
no inherent color. but just think
of how interesting it would be if
farts were bright orange like
nitrogen dioxide gas! it would
certainly take the mystery out of
who farted.
never-the-less, a high-personality
gas like fart gas suggests color to
people. some people envision farts
as brown, others as green or
yellow. i have always thought of
farts as brown, presumably because
poop is brown. when someone farts
in our car, that person might say,
"you better not breathe
through your mouth for awhile, or
your teeth will turn brown."
i knew a toddler who used to draw
pictures of farts as yellow
rectangles full of holes, like a
slice of swiss cheese. she thought
of farts as yellow, and said that
she knew they were rectangular
because she could feel the sharp
corners scraping against her on the
way out!
ernie c. suggests that if farts
were visible, they would look like
pork rinds.
helen says, "it always seemed
to me like farts were lumps of
coal, black in color and
irregularly spherical in
shape."
do other people smell a fart better
than the farter?
the fart should smell just as much
for the person who created it as it
does for other people. however, the
farter is somewhat protected by
having the fart propelled away from
his body in a direction opposite to
his nose. farting upwind nullifies
this advantage.
why is it that when you scratch
your *** through two layers of
clothing (your underwear and your
jeans) your fingers still stink?
as pointed out by barb f., who
contributed the term to the fart
thesaurus, a fart can be regarded
as "aerosolized poop,"
which means that microscopic
fragments and droplets of poop are
actually distributed throughout the
gaseous matrix of the fart. when
delivered from the anus with some
force, the components of the fart
can penetrate one's clothing
and these tiny particles can be
trapped in the fibers of the cloth.
the particles are transferred to
your fingers and then your nose
when you scratch and sniff.
why is it sometimes possible to
taste farts?
the sense of taste detects
substances that are either liquid
or dissolved in liquid. you can
taste a fart when the fart's
constituent molecules go into
solution in your saliva.
do fart particles disperse in the
air and float around until they hit
something and then stick to it?
the ultimate fate of fart particles
depends on the nature of the
particles. gas molecules mostly mix
into the atmosphere, although some
may react chemically to form new
substances. aerosolized particles
of liquid and solid poop probably
do condense on surfaces. most of
these particles are polar (with a
positively charged end and a
negatively charged end) and are
attracted to other polar substances
or charged surfaces like a monitor
screen. other fart particles
condense on microscopic water
droplets in the air if the humidity
is very high (as in a bathroom),
and some particles go into solution
in water.
is it possible to have bloody
farts?
yes, this can happen if you are
suffering from an anal fissure, a
split in the wall of the colon. it
can also happen to a woman who
experiences a queef during her
period.
why do farts seem to follow the
farter?
i'm sure that everyone has
experienced this phenomenon, in
which one delivers oneself forth of
a silent but potent gaseous
emission and then steps rapidly
away, only to have the fart cling
to one's person. part of the
reason for this annoying
characteristic of farts is the
turbulence that follows in the wake
of a moving person. the fart
"slip streams" or is
actually pulled along in the
farter's direction by the air
currents behind the person.
another factor is that part of the
fart is caught in the farter's
clothing, and diffuses out slowly
after the main part of the emission
has dispersed.
why do farts smell so much worse in
a shower than anywhere else?
there are several factors. first of
all, a shower is a small, enclosed
space, so the fart gas is more
concentrated, and the high
turbidity of the air in the shower
circulates the gas through the
space effectively. secondly, the
high humidity and high temperature
conditions in the shower enhance a
person's sense of smell and
taste. the farts don't
actually smell worse, it's
just that we can smell them better
than usual.
similar conditions prevail in the
bathtub.
what would happen if someone farted
on venus?
if venus's surface temperature
were a mere 200 to 300 degrees
fahrenheit, liquid water could
exist there because of venus's
extremely high atmospheric
pressure. but the temperature on
venus is almost 900 degrees
fahrenheit. because humans are
mostly water, a person would not
simply emit gas on venus, but would
become gas, a whole-body fart.
venus already has a lot of sulfur
compounds in its atmosphere, so a
fart on venus probably
wouldn't even produce much of
a smell.
if you were in space without a
suit, would a fart have the energy
to propel you forward?
yes, a fart should propel you
forward, since there is virtually
no opposing force in the form of
friction or gravity to counteract
the force of the fart.
is it possible to freeze farts, and
would they still be smelly after
they are defrosted?
the water vapor component of farts
would freeze quite readily, but to
freeze the entire fart would
require high pressure and low
temperature conditions such as that
used to produce dry ice. the
fart's composition would be
unchanged by the process, and hence
would still be smelly upon
reversion to the gaseous state.
is it possible for a fart to rip
your underwear?
this is unlikely, because most
underwear is made of material with
a fairly high tensile strength,
meaning that it can endure a
certain level of extensional stress
without brittle failure.
furthermore, the porous nature of
underwear fabrics allows much of
the fart's force to pass
through the spaces rather than to
stress the fabric.
where does the word
"fart" come from?
according to eric partridge in his
excellent book of word origins
(origins: a short etymological
dictionary of modern english), our
word fart comes from the old
english word feortan, presumably of
echoic origin, meaning that the
word was chosen to sound like the
object named.
when it is cold outside and you
fart, can you see it like you can
see your breath?
now, that's an interesting
idea! my guess would be yes, since
farts are nice and moist like our
breath, but this is one question
that i'm not in a position to
answer. i live in the tropics, and
it never gets cold here.
several people have tried the
experiment and have written to tell
me the results. most people said
that they could indeed see their
farts, but one person said that he
couldn't see it even with his
pants off.
here is what anywhere32 reported:
"in the boys' locker room
after morning water polo practice
it was cold out and one of the
players only had on his speedo and
let out a fart. about four of us
saw it and couldn't contain
our laughter for the rest of the
day."
john of the uk said, "farts
expelled in cold air leave what can
only be described as a long bushy
tail. this is quite funny waiting
on a train station platform on a
cold dark frosty morning. a person
will move away from everyone to a
safe distance, and then release a
long quiet fart, only to have a
sudden and dramatic long bushy
white tail coming from their anus;
it goes down a little way and
slowly curves up ending in a point,
just like a dogs tail!"
what are some other words for
fart?
the word "fart" is both a
noun (referring to the substance
and the sound), and a verb
(referring to the act of farting).
i seriously have no idea how this
was posted as r & s!!!!
but i hope u enjoy it as wierd as
it is!
i just copied and pasted it!! i
thought it was funny
"Cuz we all know ladies don't
fart..."
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