| Q: how do you break a bill clinton
supporter's finger?
a: punch him in the nose.
q: what does jeffrey dahmer's
victims and the clintons' hair
styles have in common?
a: they both look like the work of
a butcher.
q: if the clinton's were
younger, do you think they would
have known the clampents?
a: possibly, bill might have made
jethro's acquaintance in the
6th grade.
q: why doesn't hillary cut
bill's hair?
a: he won't pay her $300.
q: what are the two worst things
about bill clinton?
a: his face.
q: what is the arkansas state
flower?
a: gennifer.
q: know how to solve the
serbian/bosnian problem in less
than 48 hours?
a: put janet reno in charge.
q: what's the difference
between a bill clinton and a carp?
a: one's a scum sucking bottom
feeder and the other's a
fish.
q: what's the difference
between hillary clinton and a pit
bull?
a: the pit bull doesn't carry
a briefcase.
q: how does bill clinton say
"i'm about to hurt
you"?
a: "trust me."
q: what is the difference between
dan quayle, bill clinton and jane
fonda?
a: jane fonda went to vietnam.
q: how can you tell bill clinton
apart from a cow?
a: by the wise look in the eyes.
q: how can you tell bill clinton
from a bunch of dead bodies?
a: he's the stiff one.
q: how many bill clintons does it
take to change a lightbulb?
a: two--one to promise he'll
do it better than anyone else and
one to obscure the issues.
q: how many bill clintons does it
take to change a lightbulb?
a: none--he'll only promise
"change."
q: how many bill clintons does it
take to change a lightbulb?
a: he doesn't! he whines a
while, says "i feel your
pain", and gets congress to
pass a billion dollar light
security bill, and blames
republicans and special interests
for not making lightbulbs free.
q: why are people in arkansas
having peanut butter and jelly for
thanksgiving this year?
a: because they're sending
their turkey to the white house!
q: why are people in arkansas
having peanut butter and jelly for
thanksgiving this year?
a: because they can't afford
any more pork.
q: why are people in arkansas
having peanut butter and jelly for
thanksgiving this year?
a: reagan ate all the jellybeans.
q: why are people in arkansas
having peanut butter and jelly for
thanksgiving this year?
a: they've been having turkey
for years.
q: why are people in arkansas
having peanut butter and jelly for
thanksgiving this year?
a: because clinton
"invested" all the
turkey.
q: what were bill and chelsea
clinton doing in the voting booth?
a: bill was giving his daughter a
lesson in civics, how to ruin the
people!
q: what does teddy kennedy have
that bill clinton wishes he did?
a: a dead girlfriend.
q: what's the difference
between personal injury lawyers and
congress?
a: no fee--if no recovery!
q: how did bill and hillary clinton
meet?
a: they were dating the same girl
in high school.
q: how can you tell when bill
clinton is lying?
a: only a bill clinton supporter is
too dumb to know the answer to this
one.
q: how can you tell when bill
clinton is telling a lie by looking
at his face?
a: if his lips are moving, then
he's lying.
q: what do bill clinton and a
fifteen-watt light bulb have in
common?
a: neither one is very bright.
q: what does clinton do to lose
weight?
a: runs away from the draft.
q: how can you tell when clinton is
ready for battle [in bosnia]?
a: he's got his jogging suit
on.
q: what's clinton's
favorite baseball team?
a: the dodgers.
q: what's bill's fondest
wish now?
a: that someone would wave a hand
at him using more than one finger.
q: what's a clinton sandwich?
a: pure bologna piled high and
deep.
q: why do they always fly around a
live turkey in a cage on air force
1?
a: for spare parts.
q: did you hear that the
clinton's had air force 1
remodeled?
a: now it's got two left
wings.
q: why is bill clinton called
"middle of the road
democrat"?
a: because he's got a wide
yellow stripe down the middle of
his two-lane back.
q: why is bill clinton's
economic plan called positively
atheist?
a: because it hasn't got a
prayer.
q: if bill and hillary jumped
together off the washington
monument, who'd land first?
a: who cares!
q: how did bill clinton get a crick
in his neck?
a: trying to save both faces.
q: if bill clinton, hillary
clinton, al gore, and tipper took a
boat ride and the boat capsized,
who would be saved?
a: the united states of america!
q: why is bill clinton diverting
federal funds from improving
schools to improving jails?
a: because when his term is
through, he won't be going to
school.
q: why does chelsea look so stupid
and ugly?
a: heredity.
q: why did bill and hillary send
chelsea to a private school?
a: if they sent her to a public
school, the secret service would be
out-gunned!
q: what do clinton and jfk have in
common?
a: they haven't had any brains
for the last thirty years.
q: what happened when bill clinton
got a shot of testosterone?
a: he turned into hillary!
q: did you hear chrysler is
introducing a new car to
commemorate president
clinton's election?
a: it's gonna be called the
dodge drafter!
q: why does the secret service
guard hillary so closely?
a: because if something happens to
her, bill becomes president!
q: how many clinton administration
officials does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
a: two--one to screw the bulb into
the water faucet while the other
tells us that everything possible
is being done to help the
situation.
q: how many republicans does it
take to raise your taxes?
a: none. the democrats do that.
q: how many republicans does it
take to disarm the law abiding
public so that the government can
enforce totalitarianistic and
unconstitutional laws?
a: none. the sociali--democrats do
that.
q: how many clinton white house
officials does it take to change a
lightbulb?
a: none. they like to keep him in
the dark!
q: why do liberals travel in
threes?
a: one to read, one to write and
the other one to keep an eye on
both intellectuals.
q: what kind of neckwear does
hillary clinton look best in?
a: a noose.
q: what kind of jewelry does
hillary look best in?
a: handcuffs.
q: what biblical and renaissance
characters does hillary most
resemble?
a: jezebel and lucretia borgia.
q: what's the best place to
photograph clinton administration
officials?
a: a police lineup.
q: what's a conservative?
a: a liberal who made it through
adolescence.
q: what is a conservative?
a: a liberal who's been
mugged.
q: what do you get when you cross a
crooked lawyer with a crooked
politician?
a: chelsea.
q: you know what the problem with
political jokes is, don't
you?
a: they get elected.
q: what famouse arkansas state
supreme court decision is hilary
clinton famous for?
a: if you divorce your wife in
arkansas, is she still your cousin?
q: why is chelsea clinton a miracle
child?
a: because lawyers use their
personalities for birth control.
q: why did bill clinton cross the
road?
a: to tax the chicken.
q: why can't bill clinton file
a defamation of character suit
against his critics?
a: because bill clinton has no
character to defame.
q: if called to testify in a trial
how long will it before before
clinton commits perjury?
a: when he's sworn in.
q: how many helicopters does it
take for white house aides to go
play a round of golf?
a: depends on how many were
photographed.
q: why did bill clinton cross the
road?
a: to meet the chick.
q: how are boris becker and
president clinton alike?
a: both aren't as successful
when they're not on grass.
q: did you hear they put two new
faces on mt. rushmore?
a: yeah, they were bill clinton.
q: did you know that clinton's
cat can play chess?
a: inside information: the cat
isn't really all that good at
chess. the last time they played
best of five, clinton won three
games to two.
q: who would become president of
the u.s.a if the president died?
a: bill clinton of course!
q: how does bill clinton change a
light bulb? a: he doesn't. he
whines a while, says "i feel
your pain", and gets congress
to pass a billion dollar light
security bill, and blames
republicans and special interests
for not making lightbulbs free. q:
what do the republicans have that
bill clinton wishes he had?
a: a mandate to govern.
q: how can you tell that the guy
who attacked the white house with a
plane was insane? a: he seems to
have thought clinton would be in
his own bedroom at night. q: what
did hillary tell bill when the
paula jones story broke?
a: "you idiot! i told you to
let teddy kennedy drive her home!
q: what did boris yelstin say when
asked if meeting clinton made want
to convert russia to the type of
government they have in america?
a: "never! i'm not going
to let my wife run the
country!!"
q: why doesn't bill like old
houses?
a: he's afraid of the draft.
q: what's the differents
between bill clinton and an
elephant?
a: about 20 pounds and a jogging
suit.
q: what's the difference
between bill clinton and david
koresh?
a: koresh only burned 85 people.
q: what's the difference
between bill clinton and david
koresh?
a: some people still believe in
david koresh.
q: what's the difference
between bill clinton and joseph
stalin?
a: some of stalin's subjects
admired him.
q: how many hillary clintons does
it take to change a light bulb?
a: one--she just holds the bulb and
the world revolves around her.
q: what's the difference
between janet reno and a school bus
driver?
a: the bus driver stops to let the
kids out.
q: how does bill keep gennifer
flowers away from the white house?
a: he keeps offering to send ted
kennedy over to give her a ride.
q: when will there be a woman in
the white house?
a: when hillary leaves town.
q: what's the difference
between bill clinton and a
container of yogurt?
a: yogurt has culture.
q: what is the best thing that ever
came out of arkansas?
a: highway 55.
q: why does clinton always have a
stupid grin on his face?
a: he is stupid!
q: why is clinton prone to losing
his voice?
a: he keeps having to eat his
words.
q: how do you know when a liberal
is really dead?
a: his heart stops bleeding.
That was a long list. As a joke they are funny lol. §§§ |
Advertisement 
0 
In 
