| I am a 26-year-old married lady for
the last 3 years. of late, through
some links on my computer, i came
to know that my husband has been
watching porn on the internet. that
hurt me a lot, but then, i
researched this issue on the
internet and found out that married
men watching porn isn't that
harmful and it would not have an
adverse effect on the marriage. a
few days ago, i stumbled upon his
email id and password and with that
i stealthily logged into his email
account. to my utter shock, i
found out that he had registered
himself into many social porn
websites through which he could
contact like-minded females. upon
further digging, i also found that
while contacting people, he was
giving out his personal details
like his age, his marital status,
where his wife is from, where he
completed his education, and most
importantly, about his workplace
and his phone number. i am so
worried he would get into a
blackmailing trap. i really do not
know how to prevent him from giving
out personal details on such sites
and it is giving me sleepless
nights. i do not mind him watching
porn, but giving out personal
details is like getting into
trouble. also, i had a lot of faith
about his loyality all these years,
but suddenly, with his personal
details out on those porn websites,
i am really worried that he would
cheat on me if someone did respond
to his messages. please advice me
as soon as possible as to what i
should do?
here is a sample of an email he
sent out to someone on such a site:
hi ms. rose, thanks for ur quick
response.it's really nice 2
hear from u.by the way what 's
ur friends name? let me tell u more
about myself. a married man, wife
also is a keralite but settled in
*********(name of the place). i am
35 yrs of age. recently joined as
general manager for a star category
hotel in **********. before this
assignment i was working with
************** (his previous
employer's name). previously i
was working in **************. for
the last 15 yrs. i 'm working
in the ******** industry. basically
i am a keralite but born and
brought up in the *********. i 2
prefer a discreet relationship,
open minded.that's it from my
side.any further information pls.
do contact me through email or mob.
no.:************** (his personal
mobile number) after 10:30 am.
what's
ur friend's interest? what is
her hubby doing? where does she
stay in
*********? if ur friend is
interested pls.ask her 2 contact me
without
any hesitation.
warm regards,
*********(his full name and mobile
number).
what should i do? how should i
tackle this issue?
this is not the only concern. if
we have issues, we never sit down
and sort out issues. if i try to
talk things out with him, he goes
completely silent and does not
communicate anything until i go and
ask sorry irrespective of who was
wrong? he never seems to care
about my feelings, my health,
nothing. he never asks questions
or bothers to involve me in any
decision making. i am at the
lowest ebb currently and i have
reached a dead end.
i cannot talk to him about anything
and instead i am writing mails to
him about everything i feel even
though we live in the same house.
i never get replies to those mails
and he does not even acknowledge
that he read those mails.
i do not know what to do, please
advice............please.
thanks a lot for taking out the
time to answer my question. u all r
right in saying that i am
emotionally sick. i turned to the
web 4 answers to my problems coz i
am such a happy-go-lucky person
before my friends and family that
they will get a shock when they
learn what kind of trauma i am
going through. i always a genunie
smile on my face when i am talking
to people even when my soul is in a
turmoil. i come from an orthodox
christian family and my mother had
gone through a divorce and she had
the good fortune to marry a nice
guy from a different religion. her
entire family and the world shunned
her. with great difficulty, she
got me and my sister married into
christian families.
i do not want to hurt her by
showing what i am going through.
she will be shattered and will not
be able to take it, i know for
sure.
after finding out about his
internet porn episodes, i thought
maybe i was not giving him what he
needed in bed. so, i gathererd the
courage and gave him oral sex,
which i think he seemed to like,
but he did not even bother to find
out how i felt. i felt like a worm
and hated myself because i did not
enjoy it, but i am still doing it
for him.
i can do anything to save my
marriage just because i cannot see
my mother crying for the rest of
her life. please advice me as to
how i should communicate &
force him to have a decent
conversation with me. in order to
avoid a confrontation, he shouts at
me and i keep quiet becoz i fear
others will hear us. this goes on
for 3 to 4 days until i go and ask
sorry. when i try to talk to him
about the issue for the fight, he
pretends as if nothing happened and
the issue is brushed under the
carpet. yes, i know he is reading
the mails i send to him coz i do
even get the time when he opened
the mail......i dont know whats
happening.
Well, he certainly does have himself completely involved w/these dating sites. I also agree w/you that he TOTALLY is giving far too much info out to the world, & I mean litterly the world. He could just get himself into a lot of trouble thru all the info he's giving out, including his job. I don't know if he's really aware of what he's doing or if he just started this whole thing, therefore doesn't even realize what he gotten or going to possibly get himself into. I don't know how you're going to do it, but I feel allthis has to & should be addressed & as soon as possible. I don't inow if you have a lot of friend to the point of telling him someone read his email & told you about it out of total concern for all your safety & of all the info he's giving out. If things aren't going well between you to begine with, I don't think it would really matter how you found this all out, just that you did. I'd ask him if he is in fact looking for someone to date. What is his reasoning for doing this. I mean at this point in time, what can it honestly hurt in what ou say. I'd tell him you're very concerned of what you just learned & that you demand & I mean tell him in this issue you demand an explination. Tell him you are sick & tired of just brushing things under the rug all the time & letting things go w/o settling anything. Let him know you cannot go any longer w/kiving like you are. You have a farce of a marriage & don't share anything like normal husbands & wives do. Now this comes up & makes you totally sick, mentally & physically sick over the whole mess. You demand some answers from him & now. I AM very sorry to say what you have is NOT a marriage. My heart does go out to you, & that's all I can think of to suggest. I would even go so far to ask him if he'd feel better if you both went your own ways & if he'd be interested in a divorce. You've got to get it ALL our on the table once & for all. You didn't mention any children, so I don't know if it's just the two of you or not. You cannot keep on living this way tho as from now on, you're not going to be able to have any trust for him & ritefully so. IF thinngs are not going to change for the better or improve in any way, you cannot go on living like this. You're going to make yourself sick over it, & he sure as heck is not worth ruining your health over. You deserve happiness & not that of deception & disrespect from the likes of him. IF you have to end it, you have to do what you have to do for YOU. I'm a firm believer in that things happen for a reason, & feel you found all this out for a reason. Now it's time & best for you to take care of YOU. Please don'r let him get away w/this or try in any way to wangle his way out of this. This is serious, & by mentioning you, means you are also involved. I DO wish you the very best...:) |
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