| I know this question is lame, and
there will be various answers
depending on the person responding,
but your opinions (no matter how
offensive) are appreciated and
here's my story. keep in mind
that i have also seen much worse
and i know that there are people
with greater problems out there,
hence my confusion with my own
situation.
alright, when i was 16, (the
beginning of my junior year) like
most high schoolers, i started
smoking pot. after that first high
it became an everyday thing for me,
just because i had nothing else to
do. not being allowed to have a
job due to my parents' fear of
it influencing my grades, i spent
most of my time at home alone after
school smoking weed. when i ran
out of weed, i'd steal alcohol
and certain otc medicines that i
could find here at home and use
those to pass the time. that's
not to say that having a job would
change any of this, i'm just
saying the fact that i had all this
time to be alone and bored led me
to use weed more often than most.
after smoking weed daily for some
time i began doing research on
other drugs, and developed an
infatuation with cocaine. not
having any connections for coke, i
began buying adderall and other
prescription stimulants from kids
with add and using those often,
while still smoking weed on a daily
basis. i eventually led my parents
and doctor to believe i had add so
that i could get my own
prescription for adderall. shortly
after, i got in trouble with weed
and my parents soon found out i was
abusing my medicine. i continued to
use both even after i got in
trouble. fast forward 2 years, i
spent the summers at home alone
while my friends had summer jobs
and my parents worked, and you
guessed it, i stayed high, and
alone. throughout this whole time
there was probably only a day or
two out of each week i wasn't
on some sort of drug, i tended to
replace one with the other, using
weed regularly, adderall when i
could get it, and alcohol and cold
medicines on occasion when i
didn't have my normal drugs of
choice. anyways, after miraculously
graduating (i never did my work, i
had no motivation or interest, i
got 0's on the majority of my
assignments and skipped school
regularly) i have ended up here,
failing out of technical college. a
month or so ago i found a reliable
source for cocaine and i have been
snorting it almost daily since.
(still smoking weed, although i
don't mix them at the exact
same time because it gives me bad
anxiety attacks). and still, i have
been using most of these substances
alone, now that i think about it i
spend the majority of my time
alone, and high. when i run out of
one drug, i replace it with
another. i have f's in all of
my classes except psychology with
no hope of passing. i don't
do anything, i can't get
myself to do any school work. most
of my time is spent alone and high.
i'm almost broke (i worked
last summer, but only indulged
after work when i got home),
i'm failing miserably, and i
feel like i've reached a dead
end here. i'm not shooting
up, i'm not robbing people or
stealing trying to get a fix, yet i
feel like a parasite..... i still
live at home due to my fucking up
in high school, and my college
education has become hopeless. i
don't blame anyone but myself
for this series of events, but
i'm just lost about what i
should do from here..... the last
few years have been a blur, i
vaguely remember them, i probably
spend 2 days out of each month
sober, and that's always due
to something holding me back or
getting in the way of my drug use.
i don't use much cocaine, but
i use it frequently. please
don't talk shit on marijuana
either because i have known soooo
many people to use it quite
regularly with no ill effects and
seem to be very happy.
any thoughts, opinions, and
questions are welcomed.
after reading the first comment on
here i feel as if i need to clear
things up, for marijuana's
sake. weed is not an addictive
drug, (it may be addicting in the
sense that, well, anything
"fun" is bound to be
repeated), but as far as drugs go,
marijuana imo can be the most
responsibly used compared to
alcohol or nicotine, which both
produce cravings and withdrawal. i
think the whole gateway theory is
stupid, that's like saying
that because someone drank a beer
at one point in their life before
they shot heroin, then alcohol is a
"gateway" drug. if
marijuana was legal i'm sure
less people would be exposed to the
"harder" drugs. i was
just telling my story and
that's how it happened; i have
friends who have never touched
anything above weed, and excel in
school. sadly i put weed in a bad
light here to those who don't
know any better, but i promise you,
i'm the one to blame here, not
marijuana.
"The drugs in otc medicines that get
you..."
To answer your question simply, yes you are a drug addict. If you spend the majority of your days, which you do, either high or in search of drugs and using those drugs alone, you are an addict. Although you have not began to steal, you will once you run out of resources. Your life will be seriously affected for the worse if you become a felon. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it is TRUE - you are on a path that can only lead to prison or death.
To be clear, I can NOT condone or encourage using marijuana AT ALL or breaking the law in ANY WAY. But of all the drugs out there, legal and illegal, marijuana is arguably the least dangerous, although it does damage the lungs. Cocaine, methamphetamine, and alcohol are probably the worst due to their very severe and permanent side effects. So I get what you're saying.
The drugs in OTC medicines that get you high can be even more dangerous than some illegal drugs. If used daily over a period of time or used in large quantities, they lead to death.
The cocaine you are now taking could have very severe effects on you, including loss of teeth, high blood pressure, premature aging, irregular heartbeat, other serious and permanent heart problems, and eventually death. Cocaine can also cause a stroke - imagine being in a home at your age, understanding everything going on around you, yet you are unable to walk or talk; you are just trapped. What a hell.
Abuse of drugs does not get to this point due to "boredom". Whether you remember or not, there is something from your life that you want gone, or even unconsciously want to forget. Drugs numb/block out pain, sorrow, hurt, trauma, etc. They are an escape. It would be very wise to seek a therapist or a psychiatrist.
I suggest, if you do not have insurance or your insurance does not cover it, go to MHMR in your area and tell them everything. Request admittance into a detox and rehab program. They will pay for it.
It is definitely NOT too late for you at all. There are thousands of people who have had incredibly severe drug problems who go back to college, graduate, and have a good life. Don't let anyone tell you this is not possible, and stop telling yourself this also. I know people who have had problems with crack and heroin. Luckily, they got out of it with no felonies or funerals. Now, they have great lives, either with jobs helping drug addicts, or jobs they originally wanted but the drugs got in their way.
There IS a brighter road and future for you ahead. If you can just take the first step by asking for help (this is the one thing that keeps addicts addicted) and accepting help, its a giant leap for you toward a better and happy life. The simple fact that you've posted this here tells me you want a better, more worry-free, and successful life.
Please get help. My best of luck to you. |
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